Updated: Jul 20
When I begin working with new couples, one of the first things that we explore is each partner’s love languages. I’m often surprised when couples tell me that they are not familiar with the concept of love languages or have never heard of Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages which was originally published in 1992.
For those of you who are also not familiar with the love languages, I’ll provide a quick overview and also share the link to the love languages quiz. In his book Chapman identifies five primary ways of giving and receiving love: receiving gifts, spending quality time, giving words of affirmations, completing acts of service and engaging in physical touch. Understanding how you like to receive love is extremely important because most people tend to show love to their partners in their own preferred love language and don’t consider the fact that their partner may prefer a different language. Knowing each other’s love language can help you both understand each other’s needs and helps to reduce tension or dissatisfaction within the relationship.
It’s also important to show love to your partner in their preferred love language because it shows them that they are important to you. Feeling important to your partner because they understand what you like helps decrease levels of frustration and miscommunication within the relationship because you both understand what each other finds meaningful. For example, if receiving gifts is your top love language and you shower your partner with gifts because it’s what’s you desire, you may become frustrated with your partner if they do not show the same level of enthusiasm that you show when you receive gifts from them. Perhaps their love language is acts of service and they prefer that you do things to lighten their load instead of buying them gifts. Understanding what your partner likes and having them understand what you like helps to reduce negative emotions that may arise when you’re not feeling the love or appreciation from each other.
If you speak French fluently, but your partner speaks German there’s going to be a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings. The same applies to love languages. The goal is to work to become fluent in your partner’s love language and to teach them how to become more fluent in yours.
Here is a link to the Love Languages quiz. Share your love languages below!